


Where's Our Happily Ever After?

by absynthe_minded



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Adora Needs Therapy (She-Ra), Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra Needs Therapy (She-Ra), F/F, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Nightmares, POV Catra (She-Ra), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:54:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25416478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/absynthe_minded/pseuds/absynthe_minded
Summary: It's over. Etheria is free and safe, but what about Catra and Adora? The weight of years of abuse and war now threaten to tear them apart, and Catra isn't the only one tormented by what she'd done.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 110





	Where's Our Happily Ever After?

**Author's Note:**

> Still a work in progress. Critiques welcome (even desired). This is a first time writing a fanfic.

Green everywhere, fire racing through her veins, muscles trying to rip themselves free from her bones.

_All beings must suffer to become pure. All beings must suffer to become pure! ALL BEINGS MUST SUFFER TO BECOME PURE! ALL BEINGS MUST SUFFER TO BECOME PURE!_

Now, Little Sister, you will have your reward.

Horde Prime did not meet Catra’s gaze, though. It was Adora, green eyed, white irises. “You have served me well, Little Sister.”

Catra cried _Nooo!_ her heart rending, but no sound came. She couldn’t breathe. _Adoooraa!_ She reached for her, but her arms were wet sand.

“Perhaps,” Adora said, musing “I will make her my new vessel ... though, she would not last me long. What do you think?”

Gathering all her might, Catra screamed; all that came was a low moan.

Gasping for air, Catra could smell Adora everywhere. It brought her home to the Fright Zone, sleepovers, curled at Adora’s feet on her bunk, pouncing on her as a child all while Shadow Weaver watched over them.

Catra could hear Adora breathing, next to her. Her heart was pounding. The only other noise was the ever-present splashing of the waterfall in Adora’s room. The quiet was unnatural to her after growing up in the Fright Zone.

She opened her eyes in the grey twilight of Bright Moon’s night. It was Adora’s room, Adora’s bed. She was safe. Prime was gone. The glow of the Moon Stone streamed through the large windows. Unlike the Fright Zone, it was never truly dark here, not to her.

In the dimness, Adora was sleeping on her back, Catra curled next to her. Adora took short, sharp breaths. Catra’s tail flicked across their legs.

Catra and Adora were sleeping close, or together, since they escaped Prime’s ship, _The Velvet Glove_. At first, Adora was unusually calm and relaxed in her sleep, even smiling. Now, her hands were tight fists. She was twitching in her sleep, scowling.

Catra recalled those early days as a dream. She and Adora were inseparable. Nights were bliss. They had no idea what they were doing. It was rather weird and awkward at first, but enthusiastic and curious and wonderful.

Catra and Adora, and She-ra, were working busily after the war: villages rebuilt, refugees resettled, demobilizing soldiers from all sides, rounding up the lost and confused Horde clones, tracking and destroying warbots. Catra would often catch Adora watching her with a smile while they worked.

Seeing the all damage around Etheria was beginning to affect Catra, though. She was responsible for much of this pain and suffering that Adora was fixing. She saw it was hurting Adora too. Adora was watching her less with smiles, more often with sadness.

At Thaymor, while Catra was talking with Netossa, she caught She-ra looking at her with tears. Adora walked away, becoming herself again. She hadn’t seen Adora as She-ra since. That's when Catra’s nightmares returned.

Even their time together at night was becoming less enthusiastic, more awkward; yet, more needy. Adora often wouldn’t look at her during sex, crying sometimes. Catra burned with shame thinking about it.

Catra needed to touch Adora, crush her to her body, feel the warmth and smoothness of Adora's skin against her fur, nothing between them. Catra's heart ached for it, but Adora was sleeping in her skin suit. She always dressed for bed, even after sex. Adora had never been comfortable in her own skin thanks to Horde indoctrination on the evils of the body. Three years away from the Fright Zone hadn't shaken it. Clothes gave Adora some comfort, so Catra didn’t press the issue. After everything Catra had put her through she owed her that much, at least.

Adora slept more fitfully herself, returning to the sleep fighting she’d done as a child. Often, she would thrash awake in the night. When Catra asked, she would respond with a frown and down cast eyes, it was nothing, just dreams.

Catra brushed a strand of Adora’s golden hair on Adora’s arm lightly with the back of her hand. She wanted Adora to hold her, to wake up and tell her everything was okay. That they were safe. That no one would ever hurt her again. That Adora would never leave her again. That Catra was never going to hurt Adora again.

That wasn’t true, though. Catra was a monster after all. Hurting people was what she did. She smelled Adora’s blood on her claws from that evening. The iron scent brought all their old battles back in an instant. She saw the victims of her violent rage, even people who considered her a friend. Her face was on fire.

Catra heard Shadow Weaver drawl in her mind, _she’s finally seeing you for the monster I always knew you to be._

“I’m sorry I’m hurting you. Why did you ever forgive me? I’m a monster,” Catra wept in the night.

“ _My_ monster,” Adora mumbled sleepily. Catra shot away from Adora right into the wall with a slight thud. She stared at Adora, her yellow and blue eyes wide. Accidentally, she pulled the blanket with her. Adora let out a slight yelp, grabbed at the blanket, but it was gone.

Adora rolled towards Catra, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to.…” She stopped short, searched for Catra’s face in the darkness. Catra was sniffling.

“I’m serious,” Catra whispered. “I only hurt you.”

Though Catra never had shame about being naked, not even in the Horde, she pulled the blanket to cover herself. The night wasn’t especially cool, but she was shivering.

“That’s not true, Catra. I love you.” Adora said.

 _She’s lying,_ Shadow Weaver’s voice taunted, _how can anyone love a **beast** like you?_ Catra’s tail slapped the bed hard, repeatedly. Her ears went flat.

Adora said nothing for a while, then pulled herself up into a sitting position, moving a pillow beneath her back. She pinched her nose and sighed. “Do you want to do this now, Catra?”

Catra was stunned. Her blood turned to ice. _It’s over. She’s finally going to get rid of you like she should have long ago._

Adora started, “Look.... I’m … not good at talking about, like emotion things. Bow’s really good at that. I … just … I jus… hear me out, please?”

 _She doesn’t want you anymore._ Catra nodded and sniffed, forgetting humans can’t see well in the dark. Adora waited a few minutes.

“I’m not gonna lie, Catra, I was mad at you, for a long time.” _I told you._ Adora shrugged and looked down toward her feet. Catra followed her eyes. Adora’s legs were dark in the shadow from the bed curtains but her feet shown white in the light of the Moon Stone. They started to quiver as Adora began to shake.

“I didn’t think I _could_ forgive you. Not … not after the portal. If Shaahh-eeeee,” Adora stopped. Neither had mentioned Shadow Weaver’s name since her death. She took a breath, “If _she_ hadn’t stopped me … I might have killed you right then.”

 _See, Catra, she hates you._ The corners of Catra’s vision began to gray and blur. Her claws dug into her palms as her hands tightened into balls. The stare Adora had given her coming out of the portal had frightened her.

“Maybe the only good thing that fucking witch ever did in her damn life,” Adora said.

That caught Catra up short. Adora swore! She chuckled despite her panic; but ... what about Shadow Weaver’s sacrifice? _I lied about being proud of you. I only said that so you would get Adora to the Heart, and free the magic._

Adora continued, “Then … you apologized … for everything.” Adora looked toward Catra’s place in the darkness. “You always said you would never apologize for anything. The pain in your voice, it broke my heart. And … you saved Glimmer. I couldn’t leave you, Catra, not again.” Adora reached out a hand to touch Catra’s leg, but Catra flinched away.

Catra huffed, “That’s just what I told you _not_ to do, idiot. You _never_ listen to me.”

“Because you always lied about your feelings,” Adora protested.

Catra shrugged her shoulders, looking away. “I’m working on that, okay!”

“And then…” Adora’s voice tightened up. Catra braced for it, beginning to cry. _Here it comes, Catra._

“And then you were dead.” Adora barely said the words.

Shadow Weaver finally had nothing to say.

 _Wait, you’re not…?_ Catra thought. Then Adora’s words hit, right in the stomach. She couldn’t breathe. The blood drained from her face. She curled into a tight ball where the bed met the wall.

Catra protested, “That’s not true. That’s not possible,” but she could feel the bed moving slightly as Adora rocked, beginning to sob, tears streaming down Adora’s face, snot bubbling from her nose … Adora wasn’t lying. Adora could never lie to save her life.

“You died in my arms, Catra. I heard your last breath. I felt the life leave your body.” Adora looked like she was about to throw up and heaved slightly.

“I was so scared. I have never been so scared … not in the portal, not when Glimmer activated the Heart, not even when I couldn’t bring She-ra back, and I had to activate the failsafe, and I thought I had to die. You were dead, because _I_ messed everything up. You were lying on the floor, and I tried to get you, but my legs were broken,” said Adora sobbing.

Carta grew lightheaded. Adora never told her what happened in _The Velvet Glove_. She woke in Adora’s arms warm, in a lot of pain, but warm. Her heart swelled recalling looking up at Adora’s face, or was it She-ra’s? She remembered feeling the safest she’d ever been, but the details were a little hazy.

That warmth quickly shattered when Catra recalled how vicious she’d been to Adora after. All that shame for what she’d done. She wielded it like a dagger, testing Adora, to see how she really felt, to prove that Adora didn’t really love her, really didn’t want her back, she wasn’t worthy. She very nearly succeeded.

“I crawled to you. I was so scared Catra, I was so, so scared.” Adora pulled herself over staring straight into Catra, wild eyed, her words coming quicker. “I always thought we’d figure out a way to fix things, someday, but you were just gone … forever. Nothing mattered anymore. I just needed you back more than anything. I love you, so, so much.”

Adora’s voice was tight, like Catra had never heard before. Her nose was completely blocked and tears flowing. “All the anger was gone. I just felt love. Everything was forgiven.”

A moment later, flatly Adora said, “I see your broken body, I see you falling from Frosta’s palace, I see you disintegrating in the portal, every night, over and over and over. And it’s killing me.”

Adora said nothing for a long while. Catra couldn’t feel anything.

Then Adora pulled back and blurted out, “I wasn’t smart enough or strong enough and I just charged in there like I could do anything I wanted. I had _no_ idea what we were up against. And I got you killed.”

Snapping back into focus, Catra flung herself on Adora, grabbing her shoulders as if to shake her, “But you’re wrong!” she pleaded, “I’m not dead! I didn’t die! I’m right here! Why are you torturing yourself?”

 _“Only because She-ra brought you back to life, Catra!”_ Adora yelled. Catra’s mind wobbled. _It was real._

“I didn’t know she could do that,” Adora confessed. “I had no idea it was possible. I barely even _healed_ anyone before, not without help. And She-ra was gone. I broke the sword. What if I couldn’t _be_ She-ra anymore? You’d be dead, and I’d be alone. I almost messed up _everything.”_

“Please don’t ever leave me, Catra.” Adora wept. “Please don’t ever leave me again.” Catra had never seen Adora look so terrified, so small. Adora’s eyes darted back and forth across Catra’s face. She clutched at Catra’s hands. “I need you!”

“I need you,” Adora repeated a moment later. She sucked the snot back in from her nose with a sloppy snort.

Adora bowed her head, her voice low, shaking, “I know you were mad at me. You thought I wanted everyone to think I was a hero, that I wanted to be Shadow Weaver’s pet. But every time Shadow Weaver got angry, she’d hurt _you_.”

“So, I tried my hardest to be perfect, to make her happy, so she wouldn’t hurt you. I had to be better than everyone else. I had to do everything she wanted. But I was never good enough, not to keep you safe. You were mine, my Catra, and I couldn’t protect you.”

“And you just got madder and madder, cuz I could never explain it right, because that would be weak, and we couldn’t be weak in the Horde.”

“Then I found the sword. I could be so much stronger. I had to leave, so I could become strong enough to protect you, to stop Shadow Weaver, stop the Horde. They hurt everyone; they hurt _you_. How could I be part of that anymore? If I was gone, Shadow Weaver wouldn’t hurt you anymore to control me. I kept trying to tell you, but the words weren’t right.”  
  
Adora took a deep breath and paused for a long while.

“I mean, you made your choices, but if I could have explained it better, back in Thaymor, you could have made better choices. I wasn’t good enough; I wasn’t smart enough … and you died.” Adora started crying again. “Horde Prime killed you. I’m so sorry I hurt you, Catra. I’m so sorry I got you killed, that I couldn’t save you. How can you ever forgive me?”

Adora’s face was completely covered in tears, hair everywhere, snot was flowing over her lips, bawling and snuffling. Catra, still straddling Adora, held her face and kissed her mouth gently, then laughed.

“No,” Catra agreed matter-of-factly, “you couldn’t protect me.” Adora stared with her mouth hanging open.

Catra went on, “But … that was my fault. You gave me every chance, and I didn’t take them. I made my choices. It was _my_ fault, Adora, not yours. I could have defected any time. I just was too hurt, too confused. By Shadow Weaver, by the Horde, by my own jealousy. You were always so amazing at everything you did, so much better than me. You always made friends so easily. I only had you. Then I was alone. I wasn’t brave enough to follow you.”

“But you _did_ save me, you idiot, and you _never_ stopped trying. You came back for me, again and again. I just … refused to see it. _You saved me_ …. You saved _me._ Not just my life, but _me_.” Catra held Adora’s hand to her heart. “You’re _my_ hero, Adora.”

Adora sniffed, tears dripping from her chin, looking at Catra, “Really?”

Catra gave Adora a long, slow blink. “Thank you for saving me,” leaning to kiss Adora again.

A moment later Catra added, shrugging and throwing her head to the side, “ _Aaaaand_ I guess you saved the universe too.”

Adora laughed through her tears. Catra joined her.

Eventually Adora leaned back on her pillow. She wasn’t crying. She wiped her face and snuffled. “You saved me too, Catra. I love you so much that She-ra came back.” She reached up and touched Catra’s face with her fingertips. “I can’t even make her happen without thinking about you.”

 _Wow!_ Catra’s heart soared. _Really?_ She leaned her forehead into Adora’s for a moment, smiling. She heard Adora sniff again.

Catra sat back up. “I … always hated seeing you as She-ra,” she confessed looking away and grabbing her own shoulders. Adora blinked at her. “The old She-ra, she wasn’t you. She didn’t look like you. She didn’t smell like you. It hurt seeing you change into … _that.”_

“Your new She-ra. She’s all you … just more … _you_. Like … Adora squared. Which is funny, cuz you _are_ square,” Catra teased. Adora grinned, her face turning pink.

“Also, can I just say your new She-ra is really fucking hot. I mean, She-rawr.” Catra made a little clawing motion at Adora, then poked her. Adora pushed a pillow in her face. Catra rolled off her, laughing, “I am SO gonna lick her all over.”

“CATRA!” Adora went red. _Perfect._

Catra and Adora just sat there holding each other in the night for a long while, Catra purring. “Thank you, Adora … for never giving up on me.”

“We’re really messed up,” Adora sighed. “And I’m getting worse.”

“That’s what happens when you have a sadistic, evil sorceress for a mother growing up in the cult of a murderous dictator…” Catra admitted. “Gah! How did you ever function under that mountain of guilt, Adora?”

“Barely, obviously,” Adora sighed. “… Don’t we get a happily-ever-after, Catra? Haven’t we earned it?”

“Yes. We do. We have,” Catra stated firmly.

“I was talking to Netossa about that, actually,” Catra started. “She is one smart lady. Why didn’t you guys put her in charge?” Catra said, snuggling up to Adora, closing her eyes. Adora wrapped her arms tight around Catra. She began to purr. “You probably would have won the war a lot sooner.”

“I dunno. Maybe establishing supreme executive power based on being born to the right people or being the strongest puncher isn’t such a good idea after all. Strange holographic women hiding in castles distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.” Adora interrupted. Catra stared at Adora, her mouth open. “What? I’ve been talking to Swift Wind. He makes a lot of sense.” Catra rolled her eyes.

Catra shrugged, “Aaaanyway … Netossa and Spinnerella have been together _forever_. I mean, they’re in the war room mural of Sparkle’s parents’ wedding.”

“Wait, what? Why didn’t I ever notice that?” Adora said.

Catra laughed, “You idiot.” Adora grinned.

“They didn’t hold back at all when they were fighting, when Spinnerella was chipped.” Catra paused, instinctively reaching for the back of her neck and looking away. “I mean, you and I never went at each other all out. All our years of fighting, we held back.” _Well, except when I infected you._

Adora said, “Yeah, not even when we fought in the portal.”  
  
“I … I don’t remember that,” Catra said, looking away. “But Spinnerella tried to _kill_ Netossa, and Netossa told you to go after her full strength. You could have killed her. How could they even stand to look at each other after that? How do you rebuild after that?”

Catra paused and yawned.

“Netossa told me that everything that happened before is what leads you to where you are today. No matter how you screwed up, no matter who you hurt, it makes you who you are now. Learn from it and do better, make things right. They’re hurt, but they still have each other, so they’ll work hard to make it. It doesn’t just happen.”

“We have each other, Adora. Everything we did brought us here. Happily-ever-after doesn’t just happen. We have to make it happen … and we will. We just need time to heal, like everyone else,” Catra yawned. She continued, "This isn't going to get better right away. It may take us, years. But I'm not going anywhere. I will be here to take care of you, Adora. I love you." She curled up and snuggled under Adora's arm.

“Oh,” Catra whispered sleepily. “I also asked her about sex. She even gave me a scroll with some stuff we can do.”

“ _Cat-RAAA!_ ” But Catra had fallen asleep, purring little snores.

Adora leaned over Catra, smiled and whispered. “Thank you, Catra Applesauce Meow Meow.”

“Don’t ruin it.”

**Author's Note:**

> A couple references to Star Wars and Monty Python


End file.
